People with depression, what is holding you back? What do you wish you could change so you could get better?

What is holding me back.

  • Rarely having the energy to shower, brush my teeth or get dressed.
  • That I get exhausted if I brush my teeth.
  • On bad days, I don’t have the energy to eat or get out of bed.
  • Not feeling like anything is worth exerting myself for.
  • The thoughts about how crappy the world is, how crappy life is and how I would be better off dead.
  • This feeling that is so terrible, I think about killing myself just to get away from it.
  • Feeling helpless and hopeless
  • Knowing that only someone with my level of depression understands.
  • Knowing that others feel helpless and feel burdened by my depression.
  • Others getting angry with me.

What I wish I could change to get better.

  • My two alleles (genetic mutations) that make converting folic acid to L-methylfolate difficult for my body. L-methylfolate regulates the synthesis of the neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine.
  • That taking L-methylfolate capsules worked for me like it does other people.
  • That brain would make the proper amounts of the neurotansmitters.
  • That my cocktail of medication would prevent relapses.
  • Some people are cured of depression by psychotherapy. I wish I could find psychotherapy that worked for me.
  • That it wasn’t so difficult to get electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). For outpatient treatment, the waiting list is three months. Checking into a hospital is expensive even with insurance, they are no fun and there is no guarantee that they will accept you for a series of ECT’s.

©2016 Stephen L. Martin

Painting: Forest Witches by Paul Klee

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